Smash. If you haven’t heard about Smash, I’m going to have to accuse you of living under a rock. The new NBC show airs February following the Super Bowl but the marketing has been going nonstop for months now. At its basic premise, Smash is the story of the creation of a Broadway musical. I’ve been looking forward to the show for quite some time so when I discovered that the pilot was being aired for free on NBC.com and Hulu.com, I jumped at the chance to watch it. I knew going in that barring an utter disaster, I would at the very least like the show. It’s been compared to Glee (which it’s not-something I’ll get into later) so the worst I expected were some cheesy original songs.

I was blown away. Smash is, no pun intended, smashing. It’s well-written, clever, brilliantly casted and the musical numbers are perfection. Considering the musical for this season is “Marilyn”, and that Marilyn Monroe has seen a bit of a revival in the media lately, one wonders if it would be overkill or piggybacking a good thing.  If the current Marilyn focus is the ice cream, Smash is all of the toppings needed for a perfect sundae.  (I admit, that’s a weird analogy but it was the best I could come up with).

Let’s backtrack a little. Smash has been the brainchild of Steven Spielberg for several years now but it took David Greenblatt moving to the position of NBC president to get it moving. The idea behind Smash is not a long series about one musical. No, it’s far more ambitious. The idea is to spend a season on a musical and then actually put that musical on Broadway. It’s ambitious, daring and might just be one of the more brilliant ideas to come out of Hollywood in years. And that brings me back to the Glee comparisons. The show isn’t another Glee though the popularity of that show certainly has factored in getting Smash on screen. But what Glee has done is put classic Broadway numbers in front of a new generation and caused them to fall in love. That’s a good thing. And Spielberg seems to understand that if you can hook people on a few key numbers, you can get them to pay to see the entire show. In essence, it’s using a trailer to get people to pay for a movie.

So yes, you could ultimately see “Marilyn: The Musical” on Broadway. Now originally, it would’ve been a musical a season. Because Smash is now airing as a mid-season replacement, this first musical (Marilyn) will still be a focus in the second season while a second musical is slowly introduced and developed. Personally I think this will work a bit better as it forces more continuity within the show and insures fans will return the following season to see their favorites. It might be easy for fans to dismiss an upcoming season if everything is new but this overlap guarantees everyone is already invested. Again, it’s a very smart move.

The last comment I’ll make is on the writing staff. The show’s creator and head writers come from theater backgrounds not television and it works. Smash needs people who understand the theater world and how to write for it as well as all the behind the scenes nuances. I think the show would suffer without this insider knowledge and with it, it ends up soaring.

Getting into the show itself, I’ll refrain from recapping too much since I know there will be many of those once the episode is released. I also highly recommend you bookmark offcolortv.com as there will be a wonderful recap up there after the episode airs. I found the nuances of the characters to be well-developed but the true stunners are in the musical numbers. Early on, the idea of a Marilyn musical is presented and the various characters seem to take even more interest at the idea of a baseball number.

That baseball number is AMAZING. Words do not accurately describe “National Pastime”. It’s cheeky and sexy and full of double entendres and yet it never crosses into absurd territory. You have no idea how much I want to see it played out on stage.

There’s also minimal showing of the poor auditions. The implication is that those in charge know exactly who they want (or at least the ideal of who they want) and there’s no need for a montage of crappy auditions. This also adds to the realistic nature of the show. The real writers, producer & director of a musical wouldn’t waste their time on shitty actresses, that’s why there are agents to send their best candidates. And the one true “bad” audition does more to highlight that only Ivy (Megan Hilty) & Karen (Katherine McPhee) know who Marilyn truly was than to focus on a bad singer. Karen exemplifies the hope & innocence that are familiar qualities to true Marilyn fans while Ivy demonstrates the sex appeal. Though as you probably noticed, pigeonholing either of these characters doesn’t work.

The absolute brilliance in the casting of Megan Hilty is best shown in 2 scenes. First, during the performance of National Pastime. The number itself is easily the best “Marilyn” song in the pilot (though all the songs are spot on) and the entendres are woven in effortlessly. Trust me, baseball’s never seemed so sexy. The thing is, anyone who is familiar with Marilyn Monroe, either through her movies or her life story, knows that you never really notice anything else when she’s around. This is the first thing that Hilty nails. There are a lot of attractive men in the “National Pastime” sequence, something that I, as a straight woman, usually notice. I’ve watched that scene a good 6-7 times now and I can’t take my eyes off of Hilty as Marilyn. It’s not so much that she’s the perfect Marilyn (though she just might be) it’s that she embodies the ideal.

The second moment for Megan Hilty comes in a far different scene, in a quiet moment that truly fleshes out her character (Ivy) and allows the audience to relate to her. She’s talking to her mother about the potential part and learning about someone else who’s dreams faded and has to go to the fallback plan. You can practically hear the hope & desperation in Ivy’s voice as she seems to tell her inner self to keep dreaming and keep trying. Her dream isn’t something she’s interested in losing.

Karen meanwhile, is our (the viewer’s) peek into Broadway. The role was specifically created to be the outsider role. While Ivy is a Broadway vet, who understands the benefits of things like who you know, kissing the right ass, and being willing to help out for free; Karen is the not quite starry-eyed innocent. She’s self-aware about the difficulties but she’s still looking for her break. It’s our chance to see just how hard it is to get into this world, and how much these young men and women want to get there.

My favorite moment from Karen actually comes from one of the more awkward (but very well-written) scenes. The musical’s director told her to come over, rather vaguely, and Karen in her innocence (and haste) didn’t realize exactly what the director was asking for. (In case you share Karen’s innocence, it was sex). This is an aspect to a lot of upward career movement but the TV/Movie world often seems to act like if the girl says no, she can still get the part. While this SHOULD be the case, all too often it is not. Karen’s choice is to borrow a shirt and dress slightly seductively, sing Marilyn’s “Happy Birthday, Mr President” and then tell the guy it would never happen. It works. Like within the construct of the show, it works. It became clear that she wasn’t completely naive & was aware enough of the part she’s auditioning for to know that there’s a level of seductress that needed to be seen. So she proves that she can do it, while maintaining her integrity. It was a well-written and acted scene.

The best part about these two very different girls is that I can’t decide who I really want in the role. I know who I think gets it (we don’t find out in the pilot) but I am legitimately unsure who the best option is or who I want the most. On that I say bravo to Smash.

The rest of the cast is rounded out very nicely and I’ll have more to say about each in the future. But this first episode puts the two main girls front and center so I chose to focus on them. What I loved though, was that even as it’s about creating a new Broadway musical, each character is fleshed out. We manage to understand part of how each person fits within the Broadway world but also who they are as people. That’s a concept that often takes shows several episodes to figure out, emphasizing even more that there are theater writers on staff who know they have only a short time to make you care about these characters.

Overall, I absolutely recommend you watch this show. Even if you aren’t so musically inclined, I’d say at least give it a shot. You might just be as pleasantly surprised as I was.

The real point though, was to share why this is one of my comforts. First, you have to know that it’s pouring rain outside. This to me is pretty much paradise. I love the rain. I don’t mind that it makes the bottom of my jeans soaking wet or tracks in mud or forces everyone to wear sweaters. If weather can be a spirit animal, rain is mine.

Rain serves another purpose for me. I think best in the rain. Well not directly in the rain, I’m not completely crazy. But those days when I need to just think through life, not necessarily figure out little details or plan out a day, but just to process where I’m at in life, a cigarette on the porch with it pouring down rain just a few feet away is about as perfect as it gets. I’m not completely sure what it is. My only decent theory is that the methodical nature of the rain coming down and the consistent drags on a cigarette keep my mind from being able to psychotically multi-task. It’s a five-minute reprieve from the world.

That last sentence is a good reason for why I, and many of my friends enjoy a good smoke. Taking side the habitual cigarette breaks, sometimes life comes at you fast. It can be in a good or bad way but you just need to escape for a minute afterwards and process. But that’s not the only reason it’s a simple joy for me. There are memories and moments wrapped up in the idea of a cigarette too.

I don’t completely remember my first cigarette. I know I tried sneaking one from my grandmother’s pack when I was about 9 and reacted like most 9 year olds (grossed out). I had the occasional as a teen but I’d say I was 19 before I actually started smoking. I spent a few years smoking fairly heavily before drastically cutting back. I’m sure my mother would love to hear that I “stopped” because it wasn’t healthy but the truth is I just wanted to use my money on other things. So now it’s more of a treat for me and not a regular occurrence. The thing is, the memories are less in a smoking history but more in what you might call smoking moments.

Marlboros for example, scream my family to me. My parents don’t smoke. But my extended family in Texas, who we moved away from when I was 6, all smoke. And as far as I’m aware, everyone smokes Marlboros. My pack of Camel filters looks utterly out of place among them. But there’s a comfort there. Give me the smell of a Marlboro red and I am instantly transported to holidays and get togethers. Family is one of the most important things in the world to me and even the lingering smell of cigarettes says that to me.

I remember the day cigarettes seemed to, in an unspoken manner, elevate me from the children to the adults. My grandmother had passed away and while at the viewing, my aunts, uncles and I slipped outside to smoke. It was a sad moment certainly but from that moment on, I wasn’t treated as one of the kids. And it wasn’t the funeral that did it either. It was being out there with the adults of the family, understanding a different way of mourning, because being inside wasn’t working.

There were the long moments of the worst year of my life that needed a cigarette. When life threatened to bury me (and it did quite often that year) my best friend was always there. I’d lean on his shoulder, he’d share his cigarette, and for a few minutes, the world got pushed away. Everything was safe. When I think about those days, (though I try not too very much) those long drags on a simple cigarette are a big part of it.

Or the night last summer with my aunts and step-grandmother. A bunch of us had gathered in Lacey, Washington, for a family reunion. Several of us got there a day early and that night us girls stayed up late, sitting out on the porch, overlooking the lake under the night stars. We shared cigarettes, passed around what started out as a full tequila bottle (that only lasted about an hour before we moved on to the vodka) and gossiped. And every time we started to think it was getting cold and would go inside, we’d be in for about 2 minutes before someone would say “I’m just going out for one last smoke” and everyone would head back outside for another hour. The enjoyment of a cigarette kept our party going. (This was also the night I had the misfortune of getting advice from my aunts & step-grandma about how to make sure that I’m “happy” even though I’m single. Thank goodness I’d had about 7 shots at this point or I would’ve been embarrassed to this day).

Even social cigarettes can have memories. I think of a night at SDCC last year. It was a fantastic night, full of memories and laughter and friends. But the thing was, we had planned on going to Nerd HQ and actually going inside. We never made it. I remember only because we got all the way there and stopped for a cigarette. And just as one person would finish, someone else would light up and I think unconsciously that’s what kept us outside. No one would’ve wanted to miss out on part of the conversation by being separated. Again, I doubt this was conscious. But we ended up standing outside on a street for several hours having the time of our lives.

That’s why a cigarette is a comfort to me. It’s not about the addiction or the cravings. It’s about the memories. When life comes a little too fast, that cigarette lets me settle for a momentary slowdown.

Before I get into that however, I want to encourage you to vote, no matter what. The United States allows you to write-in names on the ballot so there’s honestly no excuse for you to not vote. You can argue all you want about how your one vote doesn’t make a difference but if millions of citizens would stop saying that, you might actually see things accomplished. And don’t even think about pulling the “I have the freedom to choose not to vote” excuse on me. That’s bullshit and you know it. Write your own damn name on the ballot if you can’t think of anyone you want elected. There are millions of people in this world who would trample you on the way to the ballot box if someone gave them the right to vote. Don’t piss it away. And please remember; IF YOU DIDN’T VOTE, DON’T COMPLAIN.

Let’s go back to that one vote doesn’t make a difference business though. Back in the 1840s there was a guy named Freeman Clark. Freeman lived in Indiana and on election day he headed on over to his local voting station where he cast his vote for Daniel Kelso. Now Freeman was the last voter of the day in his district so the ballots were counted shortly after he voted. Daniel Kelso won the spot in the Indiana State Senate, representing Freeman Clark’s district, by ONE VOTE. Now I can guess what you’re thinking. Whoop-di-do, Melissa. So one vote got a guy elected to the Indiana Senate in 1842. Who cares? Well as it turns out, Daniel Kelso would later be the ONE VOTE that elected Edward Hannigan to the U.S. Senate. But here’s where the real fun comes in. Edward Hannigan was the final voter in the decision to annex Texas into the United States in 1845. The vote passed with ONE VOTE. Hannigan’s one vote. If you’re paying attention, yes that means that because one farmer showed up to his district voting station, Texas became a state. There are several other examples of times where one vote, or a handful of votes (ie less than 100) made the difference. Trust me, one vote matters.

Okay, mini-lecture over and my soapbox is being stored away. Here’s my process. I start the voting process by making a list of what issues are most important to me. A few on my list include national healthcare, unemployment, education, and protecting religious or non-religious freedoms for EVERYONE. I know a lot (hell most of you) who will read this aren’t religious and many have serious distaste for those who are. So let me define that real quick. When I say religious/non-religious freedom, I mean that people should be able to practice their beliefs as they choose. (And no I am not some absurd extremist who would say that if a group believes in cult worship that involves letting snakes bite children, they should be allowed to do that. Have some fucking common sense, world.) But that means all sides need that freedom. I live in a very conservative area and many of the people I know are religious. The ones I like tend to have faith. So it really pisses me off when one group (and sadly from my perspective, this group usually claims to be Christian) tries to insist that they should get to make the rules or display what they want or teach what they want. Like taking the whole teaching creation vs evolution. I’d argue teach evolution & intelligent design. Creationism is a belief. Not so much because it believes someone or something had a hand in the world’s development but because it believes a specific someone did. So teach evolution & intelligent design. Oh and teach other theories too. And don’t teach it in a “some people believe this, but whatever” attitude. Teach it in a way that says, here is what we know for a fact. Here is what can be theorized. Here is the evidence and narratives to support these theories. Here is why you should learn to think for yourself, study, and draw your own conclusions. I do not understand why this is so hard. (And in case anyone is wondering, if someone said I had to choose one theory, I’d choose evolution as the one that should be taught in schools. )

Wow. Apparently I had more to say on that than I thought. Getting back on track, so we see that the first step I take is to decide what issues are important to me. Then I define those a little further, detailing exactly what it is that I want. So take education. I think arts programs should have funding available and that the sole focus should not be on math/science only. I think college education needs to be more affordable, especially at public schools, and not affordable as long as you’re okay with tens of thousands of dollars in debt. I think a better system needs to be determined that keeps teachers accountable to students but also recognizes that the current merit-based system is flawed. I think standardized tests are a load of crap and don’t in any way accurately measure student’s comprehension of materials. I think teachers are severely underpaid.

So as you can see, these are the details that matter to me within the education issue. (There are others but you get the idea). And I go through this process with each issue. The thing to remember is that it’s not enough to think something is important, you need to understand why it matters to you and which aspects matter more.

The next step for me is breaking down areas where I’m willing to compromise. The only way I’m going to get exactly what I want out of a candidate is if I run. I currently do not have aspirations for the presidency. Just to clear that up. But compromise is part of the game and I firmly believe that if you know where you’re willing to compromise early on, you’ll be better equipped to determine and vote for the best candidate. It is also a good idea to know what areas you won’t compromise on.

So let’s go back to the education example. I recognize that trying to completely switch from standardized testing will be difficult. We’ve used tests to measure progress in so many different things for so long that a clean break is unlikely. So I’m willing to allow for testing to continue if other forms of measurement will be incorporated.

Another rather touchy example is abortion. As I noted above, I live in a conservative (aka extremely pro-life) town. And if you’re reading this, please finish the paragraph before making judgments and ask me questions if you’re confused about something I say. I’m not saying we won’t disagree but I’d like to be sure you know why we’re disagreeing. Anyway, I personally am technically pro-life. Allow me to explain somewhat. I do think that’s a baby not a fetus. And I find it interesting that many people I know who are fine with abortion will say baby if they’re happy about the pregnancy. It’s this weirdly unconscious attack on their own argument. But I say technical because I absolutely believe that the choice should be up to the woman in the case of rape or assault. I’ve been through my fair share of shit in life. But I didn’t have to make a decision about an unwanted pregnancy. And I don’t think I could have kept a baby in that case. So I’m not about to tell someone else what to do in that situation. (And the conservative right can go fuck themselves with their opinion on this issue). I’d also say that if it’s a case of mom vs baby, then both parents should decide together (with mom getting the deciding vote) what they are going to do. As you can tell, my feelings are convoluted at best. And in truth, I think education is a better answer than a flat out law.

But this is an area that I catch a lot of flak for. The above is my viewpoint. But when it comes to a candidate, this is an area I compromise on. I voted Obama in 2008. And I got a shit-ton of grief for it since he supports pro-choice. But for me, this is more of an issue of personal belief and I think there are bigger problems that this country needs to focus on. So I compromise. If you’re still with me, you can probably see that this process may take you a little while. It should. Knowing where you stand is important and shouldn’t be decided in a few minutes. And keep in mind that your opinions can change. You don’t have to be okay with or against something at 19 and never change your opinion.

The next step is a little easier. Now you make a list of the candidates and take notes on where they line up with what matters to you. You’ll want to consider their official statements and their track record in office. Sometimes politicians genuinely want to accomplish something, make strides towards it, but just can’t quite get there. That’s not the same as a broken promise. Also watch campaign speeches and pay attention both to what they are saying and what they aren’t. If a question is asked and you realize that the candidate side-stepped the issue, figure out why. Is it because the question was asked in a way that was trying to frame the person? As in no good answer? Or is there a more serious problem? You can learn just as much from a politician’s silence as you can from their speech.

Finally, get the word out and rock the vote. Once you’ve narrowed down your list to the candidate that best fits you, get involved. Work at encouraging voters in your district, at educating people about the candidate you like, and publicizing the issues. Remember as well to lobby your current elected officials (who participate in the electoral college) on the candidates that are important to you. Most of all, VOTE.

So I’m sitting at work, eating my applesauce, tuna fish, and crackers, thinking about all the things I’m eliminating. Here’s my basic system. For two weeks, I’m cutting out all crappy food, sugar, bad fats, junk, etc. Like hardcore. Then I’ll add back in a few things but focus on a priority where indulgences are just that and not a daily habit. Apparently this plus exercise is some weird thing called a healthy lifestyle.

But the idea of indulgences (and my mind playing a food parade on a loop) got me thinking. An indulgence is technically the gratification of desire. So I thought, okay if I had to narrow down the foods I love the most, what would they be? And why do I love them? Take potato chips. I enjoy potato chips with either French Onion or Ranch dip. But they have no special meaning for me. Yes, I understand that most people wouldn’t attach special meaning to potato chips. So take tortilla chips & salsa instead. That holds so much more meaning to me. Chips & salsa make me think of long poker nights with all of my extended family during holidays. It brings to mind late fall evenings at Joe T Garcia’s in Dallas. Add guacamole to it and I’m instantly thrown into memories of football games, where my mom always has guacamole whipped up. And getting a bag of Mexican Inn chips in the mail from family is one of my favorite things in the world. So you see, there’s junk food and there’s comfort food.

This leads me to the point of today’s blog. I thought I’d list some of my favorite indulgenty (its a word) comfort foods and why I love them. I’m hoping it’ll help me stay on track but more importantly be a nice reminder of why even little things are important. Feel free to share some of your comfort food in the comments too!

Big Red soda: You can’t get Big Red soda in Idaho. I’ve actually only rarely ever seen it outside of Texas but it is nowhere to be found in Idaho and believe me I’ve looked everywhere. This is one of those things that is probably full of crap that will kill you and like burn away your stomach lining. But I can’t help but love it. Second only to Dr. Pepper, Big Red is my favorite soda. And it reminds me of my granny. She used to always have several cases of Big Red at her house so that us kids could have one. My parents didn’t like us having soda either so it was an added bonus that Granny would yell at my mom to quit fussing and sit down, none of us were going to die from a soda.

Wassail: I don’t know if this technically counts as an indulgence since its just juice but I’ve always thought it was. Wassail is made by mixing apple cider, cranberry juice, orange juice, lemon juice, and spices and steeping it for about an hour. There is nothing that says the holidays to me quite like wassail. My grandmother (not the Big Red one) would make it every year during the Christmas season. When I was little, I was only given the littlest bit (it’s very hot) and it was one of the only times my cousins & I got to sit at the adult table, made entirely of glass with these plush purple highback chairs, while we sipped our wassail. My mom makes it now but the smell of it still instantly transports me to the best Christmas memories.

Red Velvet Cupcakes: There’s this little bakery, was this little bakery, in Arlington, TX that used to make the best red velvet you have ever tasted. I’ve never quite been able to replicate it. Still, red velvet says birthdays to me. And it’s the best fix I know for a bad day. Sure the flavor is having a comeback, and its really just chocolate cake with red food coloring (sorry if that burst any bubbles) but it still feels like an indulgence.

Burgers: It has to be the right burger though. Fast food? Yuck. Restaurants? Meh. My favorite burgers are the kind made at outdoor barbecues with friends. Are they the best I’ve ever tasted? Not hardly. But sometimes it’s not about the taste so much as the experience. Sitting on the porch, watching the stars come out, listening to a little country music and drinking with friends over homemade burgers is hard to beat. I don’t even need fries with that.

King Ranch Chicken & Cherry Cobbler: I don’t think the chicken dish would be that much of an indulgence if I didn’t eat 4 servings. This is the one dish that we always had camping. Well two dishes counting dessert. When I was younger, my parents would take us camping every weekend. Literally. We’d pack the suburban up on Thursday, leave about noon on Friday (after my dad’s half-day of work) and come home late Sunday night. Then do it again the next week. There wasn’t much of Idaho I don’t remember discovering as a kid. A lot of our trips were up to McCall but sometimes we’d backpack in to the most gorgeous lakes. But on camping trips, we always brought the dutch ovens (old school dutch ovens that sit on coals to cook for like 6 hours and are made of cast iron). And at least once on every trip, we’d have king ranch chicken & cherry cobbler. The cobbler remains my favorite dessert ever, which seems sad sometimes considering it’s a can of cherry pie filling, yellow cake mix and a can of sprite. But those two things make me think of pine trees and long days fishing on the docks and sunsets over the lake and trying to see how close we could get to a deer or earning ranger badges.

Chicken Fried Steak & Mashed Potatoes with Flaky Buttermilk Biscuits: Last but absolutely no way least is my all time favorite meal. I get this on my birthday every year. And for pretty much every meal when I visit Texas (unless I’m eating barbecue at the time). It’s a meal with a good couple thousand calories but it tastes better than anything in the world. And if I go to a diner & order biscuits or chicken fried steak, I’m always thinking about family.

I was reading through Thomas Galvin’s recap (which ya’ll should do because they’re hysterical & also Neville the Corgipire is now featured and he may be the greatest addition ever. ) And he (Thomas, not Neville) made a mention of how the Gilbert’s and Bonnie’s mom knowing that Elena was the doppelganger all this time opens up a host of possibilities. So he basically ended by saying “ I was wondering how they were going to top this season. Well, I think I have my answer. Next season is the Season of the Humans … and no one knows who they can trust.”

Which sort of reminded me about this thing I mentioned on the I Heart TVD radio show last week (be sure to listen & discuss this week!). I’d been kind of appreciating this for awhile but it’s one of those random things that doesn’t really have an easy way to mention. I also don’t think I’m alone in feeling this way. Basically, we started S1 of TVD with Damon as the Big Bad. Then it was the Tomb vampires (sort of) though the underlying worry about Katherine was there. So in S2, we got Katherine. And she was the Big Bad. Until Elijah came along. And then Klaus.

And more than a fair number of recappers & bloggers started to wonder. How do you beat Klaus? Not in the sense of killing him but in writing a better villain. By the end of S2, TVD had ratcheted up the “Big Bad” quotient to bringing the world’s oldest vampire, who happens to be a hybrid, who can’t be killed and is ridiculously good at getting the fans to fall in love with him. So how do you beat that? How do you beat the worst possible villain? And so we started to ask where they’d go next. We’ve proven that except for lucky bites, werewolves aren’t a real threat. Witches kind of suck at life on this show* and ghosts only have the power they’re given.

*There’s a win/loss aspect to the witches sucking on TVD. On the one hand, it prevents the show from veering into Evil!Willow territory, something that BtVS suffered from. Willow was a damn good witch, but as time went on, it seemed almost pointless to have Buffy around when Willow’s spells could take down bad guys. But on the other, having Bonnie be successful occasionally would be nice. Or even to allow her small spells, like spelling rings or learning how to uninvite people from homes could be beneficial. End tangent.*

You start to think that maybe the show has tapped out. That we’ll get one more season of the MF Scoobies trying to beat Klaus and then we’ll be stuck with villains who don’t quite measure up. And we knew that there were these hints of Ripper Stefan but I (and most others) assumed Stefan would be “bad” for an episode or 2 and then be back on the emo wagon of redemption. Then a girl’s head rolled off because Stefan ripped her to pieces & then PUT HER BACK TOGETHER LIKE A DAMN PUZZLE.

And we went  huh, okay so Stefan might be interesting. A few episodes later & we watched him (albeit in a flashback) get a little darker. And it kept going. Stefan got darker. And in the process, Klaus stayed evil but he stopped being the top priority. Because Klaus got a little predictable. Defy him, he’ll kill you. But you have to defy him first. Stefan doesn’t have that requirement. He’s doing exactly what he wants. (Yes, there’s a little concern that last week’s flicker of humanity over Elena kissing Damon will bring us back to emo-Stefan but I doubt it. If anything, I think it will make Stefan more dangerous). The guy who was practically the hero of the story, became the villain. He became the scarier villain too. Klaus killing people is scary but we expect that. He’s supposed to be the bad guy. Stefan’s supposed to be the one we count on. And when that guy is looking but not seeing anything & willing to kill to prove a point? That guy becomes creepy as fuck.

That’s slowly getting to my point. Bringing back in what Thomas said about the humans, he noted as well in his recap that the little tidbit about Elena’s adoptive parents knowing she was the doppelganger opens up a host of other questions. And the thing is, we don’t know what that makes the Gilberts. They could have been trying to protect Elena but they could also have been a lot more devious than we realized. (For that matter, who says they’re really dead?)

Instead of a bigger, badder villain, once again, TVD opens us up to the possibility that the real villains are the people you put your trust in every day. We all know about the things that go bump in the night. But what happens when that evil is the one who tucked you into bed at night, kissed away the pain and made your favorite cookies?

That’s the thing I love about the Vampire Diaries. They haven’t said let’s keep outdoing ourselves on bad guys so that by the time we get to S5, we’re stuck with having to create out own Adam. They’ve taken our preconceived notions about characters and flipped them completely. It is almost as if the show is saying that everyone has evil within them, we’re going to bring it out. It’s not about the bigger villain, it’s about the villain that’s the bigger priority.

This fascinates me. Not only because it makes me hope that someday Elena will snap (I want to see a darker side to Elena so bad) but because of so much more. When the  bad guy comes from within, we get the chance for more history. Bringing Elena’s parents into this opens the possibility for so many more details and answers to questions. And it also weaves the story more tightly together. I’m a big fan of the small world concept and I’ve always appreciated fantasy stories that imply the same thing. There might be a wide variety of supernatural creatures but the ones who influence history, the ones who matter…that group is very small indeed. So to dig deeper, not wider with the story is awesome. It emphasizes that there was no accident or happenstance in the founding of Mystic Falls. This really makes me appreciate this show even more. Sure there are mistakes in the writing but as a whole, this show is damn good at weaving their stories together. Hell, take the moonstone & Mayan curse. That whole thing was terrible. TERRIBLE. And everyone knew it. So TVD flipped it. Said it was all a hoax and that the curse was something else entirely, something far worse. Now it could have been planned this way all along. But if you go back and watch S2, you can’t tell either way. Even if the new curse was a late in the game change to a better story, all of the previous episodes still support the new curse. There’s an awareness of the stories and characters that allows TVD to do things many shows wouldn’t attempt.

I went a little off topic for a minute there. What can I say? It happens when talking about The Vampire Diaries. The point is that I love the way TVD isn’t interested in outdoing themselves in a broad sense. They’re outdoing themselves on a deeper level. Fleshing out stories, interweaving characters, bringing to light seemingly innocuous details. It’s just one of the many reasons I love this show. And I can’t wait to see who the next priority villain will be. *

*I also can’t wait to hear that The Originals are getting their own spinoff show because obviously this needs to happen.*

So first off, let’s go with history. I’ve always been more about online activities and social media than a lot of my in-town friends and family. But it was around the early end of 2006 that it went from other fairly anonymous people to the beginning of talking to people I would consider friends. My first thought on the reasons for that is the lack of social media at the time. Things like MySpace still had a stigma of being a site for predators and dirty old men pretending to be teenage girls. & honestly, those stories might have been talked about more and I’d never say someone was asking for it but there is a difference between the girl keeping her profile public, putting up half-naked photos and talking to everyone who replies and the kids who acted like normal kids. Internet safety is certainly important but I think society’s response to a few did a lot more to create a stigma on the internet and any relationships formed there.

But over the years, more people became okay with the idea of making friends with people on the internet. It was easier to find friends who loved similar TV shows, music, movies, art, authors, or hobbies. And dating sites definitely helped make society more at ease with the idea of online relationships.

But I was struck by a comment made by a friend to me the other day. (An in-town friend). I know she didn’t intend to be mean about it. She’s just not the type. But we were hanging out & she said “isn’t it nice to get away from the internet and talk to real people?” Before ya’ll freak out, I told her that ya’ll are real people and not unicorns behind a twitter name. (Well some of you are unicorns but in the best ways possible). Her response was: “well yeah but you know what I mean. Like real friendships, the ones that matter.”

At first I was pissed. But I’ve been trying to take a breath before responding so I didn’t immediately yell at her. I did inform her that I have a number of real friendships online that matter a great deal to me. I think she heard my tone that said don’t push it because she switched subjects. But the thing is, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard people make this or similar comments. So that’s the first question I’ll ask any of you who read this. Do your in-town friends or family members judge your online friends as not being “real”?

I know mine do. I know in some aspects, it’s for good reasons. I can find it incredibly easy to hole up for a weekend and marathon a show. A Friday night with 6 episodes of TV, wine & my online friends to talk to sounds like a damn good Friday night to me. If I happen to go out on Friday, I usually enjoy myself but I’m perfectly down with a night in. And if that night extends to the weekend, so much the better. I do think there’s a difference between people who enjoy books, film, & TV and those who don’t. Most people I know online enjoy entertainment media and we congregate towards those who share our tastes. But I get a fair amount of comments hinting at or downright saying that a, shall we say tangible, social life is better than virtual.

I’m not a tangibly unsocial person either. I have my church & bible study plus other events we do. I go to a job & interact with others 5 days a week. I just joined a bowling alley, have weekly coffee or breakfast appointments with several different friends, go to movies with friends, spend dinner with my family about once a week and if I’m asked to go out for happy hour, I will always go. ALWAYS. YOU DO NOT SKIP HAPPY HOUR.

Anyway. So it’s not like I sit at home pining away for Nathan Scott or Matt Donovan.  It’s just that I can have just as much fun debating the merits of those characters for 3 hours with friends online as I can bowling with tangible friends. And as I’ll point out often, online people are no longer just faceless voices. I told people in person about the dangers of SOPA & PIPA but it was my online friends who were a part in stopping it. But my friend’s comment made me think about this stigma. Why do online friendships have to be less real or important or edifying than tangible ones?

And that got me thinking a little further. I can understand the attitude towards friends I’ve never met. After all, I met a lot of twitter friends at Comic Con this last year. Most I loved and proved that we’re all friends online with good reason. A couple proved to not be the type of people I care to associate with and I no longer do. And what I found most interesting was the level of friendship. There are some that I talk to A LOT on twitter or chat and we spent more time together. Others were great people but just as we don’t spend hours chatting on twitter, we didn’t spend hours chatting in person. THAT’S NOT A BAD THING. Thinking about it today I realized its a lot like my tangible friends. Some I meet for weekly or bimonthly coffee dates. We visit, we gossip a little, catch up on each other’s lives but that’s all. It’s not that we don’t care, it’s just we aren’t so similar that we feel like something’s missing if we haven’t talked in a day. While other friends come over all the time. We rarely catch up on events but we gossip a lot, we drink, we laugh, we talk about all our new ideas and dreams and yes, we watch a fair amount of TV.

So isn’t it the same thing with online friends? Some I share common likes & dislikes with, we keep up on each other’s goings-on but we aren’t going to braid each other’s hair. Okay scratch that. That’s just weird after like 8 years old. But you get the idea. My online friends may have different depths with me, but other than the fact that I can’t get together in person with them, the friendships are no less strong.

I’m realizing that I’m basically working through my own thoughts with this post but then I guess technically that’s a blog’s basic use. We tend to try to have beautiful prose nowadays but it’s still just a journal that we choose to make public. So here’s one of my public thought processes. I think something in me has listened to the attitude of others for years. Somehow I’ve, deep down, had this lingering feeling that I’m not supposed to invest as much in online friendships, that I’m not supposed to value them as much.

Screw that. No seriously, SCREW THAT. Friends are friends, regardless of where they live. If I said I spent 3 hours talking to a friend who had moved away, no one would think anything of it. So I’m going to try to get my tangible friends & family to learn to redefine the term. Online friends are long-distance friends. Does that mean some of us will ultimately drift apart? Well yeah. That happens with anyone. I tend to go through groups of friends and I pick up a couple in each phase of life that stick around. I’ve often been surprised by who those are. But from here on out, I’m done letting people make me feel like there’s something wrong with me for valuing my online friendships. I KNOW there’s nothing wrong, I just need to tell that obnoxious voice that tends to sound like Emily Gilmore to shut up.

Hmm. No idea if this made sense. It probably didn’t. Or maybe it did and ya’ll are like, you’re crazy. Or it did, and several of ya’ll understand. Either way, I think I have some trips to plan. Chicago, ATX, SDCC, Portland, and Dallas here I come.

SOPA & PIPA did not shut down megaupload. SOPA & PIPA are not yet laws. MegaUpload was shut down through current, active laws.

Saying that because MegaUpload was shut down means twitter or facebook or youtube is next is ridiculous. Look, SOPA & PIPA are still massively huge problems but making Ryan Gosling appear in my bedroom is more likely to happen at this moment.

MegaUpload is a piracy site. I can not stress this enough. MEGAUPLOAD SUPPORTS & FACILITATES PIRACY. It is a problem, a severe one and one that has been under investigation. Shutting it down is perfectly in keeping with fighting piracy. Good grief, look at the name.

Again, there are plenty more details about this that will ultimately be made available but for now, I’d suggest taking a moment before freaking out. Especially if you spend yesterday advocating against and educating people about SOPA & PIPA. The point of most of those fighting is that while piracy is bad, free speech & expression should be protected, things SOPA & PIPA don’t do. Screaming about MegaUpload shutting down technically gives credence to our opponents arguments by suggesting that all we really want is to get copyrighted material for free. It implies that you really do support piracy. So keep calling your Senators & Representatives about SOPA & PIPA but maybe take a breath before freaking out about megaupload’s shutdown.

Supposedly designed to stop piracy, piracy will still be able to happen. What these laws will threaten is social media in every form. Do you like making fan videos about a favorite TV couple and putting it to music? That can land you 5 years in prison. Or maybe you didn’t make the video, you just tweeted the link because you liked it. That’s still 5 years in jail. Plus twitter can be sued for allowing you to tweet the link in the first place, while youtube is sued for posting it.
Since these sites are unlikely to waste time and money censoring every user (it’s just not feasible) they will likely be shut down. Believe me, the internet as you know it will change.

There are arguments that say the government won’t abuse these laws and that they are only designed to stop true piracy. But there are laws in place to do that anyway and those laws are being abused. There are far too many stories of people who are arrested because an apartment neighbor used their internet to download illegally. Should the original person have protected their internet? Yes, but they also don’t deserve heavy fines or several years in jail for a mistake they were truly ignorant of. And often these people who are prosecuted are older and unfamiliar with the way the internet works. This is ridiculous.

This video does an excellent job of explaining the problem in more detail:

Believe me, more than you realize will change if this law passes. The internet (or at least many members and sites) are going on strike in protest of the bill on January 18th. You can learn more and join the strike by following the links below.

Let’s be clear, I’m not in any way advocating piracy, or saying that authors, producers, and others who create media shouldn’t be protected. They should be. I absolutely encourage everyone to legally purchase media, particularly books. Authors don’t make nearly as much as you might like to think. And these days, there are many legitimate and less expensive ways to watch your favorite shows. You might have to wait an extra day or two but when the choice is a day of patience or 3 years in jail, I’ll wait a day. Piracy is not a good thing. Have I been guilty in the past? Yes. I’m not going to take some high and mighty road here. But I am trying. Between netflix, hulu+ and various websites, it is next to impossible to miss out on an episode of my favorite shows and I’m spending less than $20 a month to get that access. Which makes it easy for me to justify the cost of the 1 or 2 shows that aren’t available. Thanks to the rise in ebook publishing, reading a favorite author’s book has become that much easier. And if you aren’t aware, both the Kindle & Nook have borrowing capabilities via libraries and other users. You can borrow an ebook from a friend and read it before choosing to purchase it yourself. Over the last few months, I’ve taken the time to research all the options available to myself (and others) and I am proud to say that it has been several months since I last downloaded anything. Progress counts, right? For that matter, take the time to go visit your local library. You might be surprised at the growth in the media section and they can use your support. Piracy has no place on your list of accessible media options.

The real problem seems to be in movies, which to me suggests that the major studios need to do some rethinking about how they make movies accessible to audiences. Theaters are becoming so expensive that more moviegoers are choosing to limit the number of movies they watch, wait until it goes to a dollar theater, or skip it altogether. TV networks and studios began realizing that there are too many shows for one person to watch in a single night and have been offering alternative viewing choices. Movie studios need to consider the same.

And if the current piracy laws aren’t doing their job, let’s rethink the problem. Outlawing everything is not the answer and will have a ripple effect that reaches much farther than most realize. If new laws and better protection need to be drafted, then it needs to come from discernment. Someone posting the latest episode of The Vampire Diaries online to be downloaded? Big problem. Someone downloading it? Problem but they aren’t the source. The consequences should not be the same. Fansite posting pictures from an episode? That’s promoting the episode and encouraging further involvement in the show. Fansites using sites like shareapic to post the pictures? That’s trying to make money off a copyrighted item and perhaps deserves more consideration. A 16 year old making a video of Matt & Caroline, set to a Demi Lovato song is someone expressing their love for a couple and artist. Sorry folks but that’s not the kind of piracy we need to be fighting. The problem needs to be resolved, or at least resolved better than the current situation but discernment is a must. Discernment in our lawmakers, discernment in the creators of media, and discernment on the part of consumers.

If you prefer to read the bill in its entirety, you can do so here.

You can get your website in on the blackout/strike planned for January 18th (tomorrow) by going here.

To petition your senators go here.

I’m in love with Parker and Elliott though Hardison is still a favorite. Elliott just fits my whole obsession with guys who are rough around the edges. And Parker is the best. 

I’ve always been sort of okay with Nate Ford. I don’t hate him, but sometimes I wish the show would give more time to the other members of the cast instead of focusing so much on Nate’s issues. This season did better with that than most.

Then there’s Sophie. I’ve sort of hated Sophie’s character for the longest time but this season I finally started liking her. Which is good, seeing as she’s a rather vital part of the team. 

The finale was fun in that it brought other past stars back (something I think the show could do more often without messing with the dynamic) though I definitely enjoyed the Boys Night & Girls Night Out jobs better as far as guest stars went. Sean Faris as a kickass black ops soldier? Yes, please.

At the end of the day though, I didn’t particularly care for the choice of who was behind this mastermind. He was a target that was beaten pretty easily and I had a hard time believing that he was that much of a threat. I appreciate that Leverage is trying to create a bigger target to take down and give the team a challenge, but it needs to actually be a challenge. Moreau was great at that, especially since it pulled Elliott more into the story. 

What I did like however was Nate’s decision. I didn’t want him to completely follow Sophie’s advice and let the targets just go to jail (where they could apparently still cause problems) but I also knew that he was in trouble if he took that final step. So the end worked out nicely in my opinion. 

Now I just can’t wait until the summer when the show returns!

I don’t truly ship characters. Don’t get me wrong, I have my favorite pairings, my fantasy pairings and my that will never work in a million circles of hell pairings. But as an avid TV lover, I’ve learned over the years that television has a knack for ripping apart a couple I thought I liked, only to put together one I enjoy just as much or more. I’ve also found that if I let myself have favorites, but remember that I’m not the one writing the show, I can find reasons to justify and even enjoy any couple. So imagine my surprise when in one scene (okay two counting the bracelet), I found myself falling head over heels for a couple that I had only joked about previously. But even more surprising was the way so many others in fandom reacted. Most of my friends, like me, have our wish fulfillment couples but we take things as they come. Yet if you were to watch twitter Thursday night, you could see that we were all swept up in a new ship. And the truly odd part was that none of us quite knew how to explain it. I certainly didn’t. I knew it was sweet and sort of hot and on some deeper level I was madly in love and at the same time I kept yelling at myself, “this is fictional! You are not making sense!”. So I’ve been trying to figure out just what it is about the Klaus/Caroline development that has us all so twitterpated.

I want to be clear that I know this is one episode in. It’s the Vampire Diaries. Anything can change between commercial breaks so I am not foolish enough to think that Klaus isn’t still plotting over ways to use Caroline to his advantage or to think that Caroline has fallen for Klaus or that the writers won’t rip the rug out from under me next week. Still, the powers that be have said Klaus is getting a love interest, Caroline is single (and perfect, may she live forever) and pictures of upcoming episodes seem to hint at this, whatever “this” is, continuing.

I’ve heard a few of the arguments against Klaus and Caroline as a couple, though I think most can be easily dismissed. There’s the “Caroline reminds Klaus of Rebekah so it is just incest” school of thought. I’d remind you first that just because Caroline is blonde and badass does not make her Rebekah and second that if we’re going off similarities the Salvatores & Petrovas have a lot more to worry about. Also, Rebekah may know how to read Klaus but he still doesn’t open up to her.

Another fairly popular opinion is that Caroline interested in Klaus is like if she started wanting to date Damon. Let’s break down what Klaus has done to Caroline vs what Damon’s done to Caroline (I’m talking done directly to her, not to her friends as that’s the next topic). Without ever speaking to her, Klaus had his hybrids kidnap Caroline to kill her for the sacrifice. That’s it. He didn’t even go after her when she got away. So Klaus has tried to kill Caroline once. Before he knew her. Damon, who had at least talked with Caroline and was getting to know her as a person; compelled her, abused her, tried to kill her on not one, not two but multiple occasions, threatened to kill her mother, tried to kill her father, beat Caroline up again and mocks her at every turn. Sorry but those two men are not the same where Caroline is concerned.

Finally, I’ve heard the “well Klaus has hurt so many of Caroline’s friends that she’d be betraying them all by liking Klaus”. I’ve also heard that even if Caroline just became friends with Klaus (nothing romantic), the same issues apply. So let’s get into that one by once again involving Damon. (And this is not to bash Damon but for the sake of an argument, he works better than trying to discuss every character). Elena likes Damon. Let’s assume Caroline will like Klaus. Klaus turned Tyler into a hybrid, killed Jenna, tried to kill Bonnie, killed Elena (sort of), had a hybrid run down Alaric (via Jeremy), compelled Stefan to be a ripper and causes general mayhem. Damon turned Vicki into a vampire, tried to kill Caroline, threatened to kill Elena/turn her, killed Jeremy, killed Alaric, nearly killed Bonnie, opened a tomb of vampires into the town and causes general mayhem.

The idea that because someone has done bad things in a story about vampires, he/she can’t be liked by anther character doesn’t work. @katelinnea actually had a great blog post about this called The Problem of Chuck Bass. She notes that “There are girls who say they want to date Chuck or Damon, and that’s disturbing, but it’s completely possible to like them as characters without liking them as people.” And I think that brings us to an angle we have to remember about characters dating each other on this show, especially as the show progresses. These aren’t innocent people. We aren’t talking about an innocent person choosing to date a serial killer in our world. You don’t have to like every one (I certainly don’t) but there’s a level of recognition that the world of the show is dictated by different rules than our world. It wouldn’t make sense to think of Klaus as a catch in our world. But in Mystic Falls, killing people starts to get a bit relative.

So why did this pairing affect me (and so many others in the TVD fandom) so strongly? I have a theory. (It could be bunnies). And my theory doesn’t involve Klaus nearly as much as it involves Caroline. In fact, I would argue that if the actions were the same, you could put nearly any male character with Caroline and we would be swooning the same way. Though Klaus does have that accent and delightful way of saying sweetheart.

I noted in my part of the reaction post over at The Salvatore Boarding House the following: “There’s that moment where Klaus is just saying his normal cultish spiel about how she’s free and Caroline looks at him and says “I’m dying” and Candice puts all the weight of the world in her eyes in that moment. It’s genius. She’s not commenting on the fact that she’s dying because of Tyler’s bite. She’s saying she’s dying, and has been, ever since Katherine turned her and that she’s been telling herself it will get better but she’s never believed it and tonight on her birthday it all came to a head. And it’s like she made this peace with her life ending in the next couple days because she believes it ended months ago. And Klaus just looks at her and sees all of it. It felt like he just went ‘what have you been told that you think your life is over and that you aren’t worth anything. How could anyone have possibly let you believe that your life wasn’t worth anything. Let me tell you how magical you are and how genuinely beautiful you are.’”

I’ll backtrack a bit to say that I identify so much with Caroline. And I do so in unexpected ways. If you listen to fans say what character’s death could get them to stop watching, 9 times out of 10, the answer is Caroline. (Assuming you’re aware that Damon, Stefan and Elena aren’t going anywhere). Something about Caroline speaks to me and until last Thursday, I wasn’t sure what that was. I certainly wasn’t popular in high school, in fact very much the opposite. I’m not that cheerful or fought over by boys or really any of the things that seem to make up Caroline. Then I watched “Our Town”. And I realized that I identify with Caroline because she dreams and she hurts and she keeps part of herself hidden because no one ever told her she could have the world. I do that last one. In this world of social media it can seem easy to know someone but there’s a lot I don’t share. Hell there are aspects of my life that my best friends over the last couple decades don’t know. I have one friend, just one, who knows all of my deepest secrets. And he knows them in part because he was there and in part because he always seems to know exactly what I can’t say. Caroline has, especially since she’s become a vampire, been about pulling herself up by the bootstraps and making the best of situations. And I’ve been begging for a moment where Caroline sees that the best isn’t happening, her life just sucks. In “Our Town” we did. We see a depressed Caroline who no longer has teenage distractions and is faced with the reality of her eternal existence. Her friends want to celebrate birthdays and Caroline is pointing out that she’s not the same girl and I think there was a hint of Caroline not knowing exactly what she wants. I get that. Oh I so get that.

There are so many times when I don’t know what I’m feeling or what I want but what I really need is for someone to get me without explanation. That’s what Klaus did for Caroline. He didn’t hear her “I’m dying” response as a sarcastic retort. He knew what she meant and he knew that no one had told her about all the good things this new life could offer. And so he painted a picture of a world so magical and so beautiful that Caroline finally believed. She believed that this glimmer in her heart that knew things had to change and that high school couldn’t be everything was right.

I’m certain that’s why I (and many of you) fell so hard for this ship. We all know what it’s like to have dreams or fears that we can’t quite voice. And I think on some level, we all hope that someone will understand us. Not always romantically (though that’s a perk) but just that someone out there will understand what it is we don’t know how to say. Caroline represents each of us but Klaus represented that someone. He saw the real Caroline. In the end, aren’t we all hoping someone will see who we really are?